Tired vs Exhausted

There’s tired, and then there’s absolute exhaustion. When I had my daughter I was tired. I was up every 2hours at night feeding, I didn’t manage to get much sleep in the day. The whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” is a great notion but hard to put in place. I used to feel less tired at home but the second I left the house and someone started talking to me at the shops, I realised I was a zombie. I think back and in my mind all I did was stay home, feed, play and clean everything on rotation… and then I think again.. why was I so tired because I do all that now plus… go to work, I became a bodyshop consultant, I go out all the time .. I think I do a million things more! And I don’t feel tired like I did then…

But then it dawned on me. I .. am.. absolutely .. EXHAUSTED. All the time! I hardly go to gym anymore. I don’t walk every weekend in the park like I used to. I just want to eat fatty takeaway foods all the time… (bring on the comfort food!) because I’m exhausted.

Being exhausted is different to tired. When you’re tired you laze around and try and rest. You say to people… “I’m so tired…” you have droopy eyes.. you don’t sleep much…

Exhausted is… looking fine to everyone else but melting on the inside. It’s feeling like getting in the car and driving far far away. It’s planning to go to the gym in the morning but your daughter is awake at night crying her lungs out, so you get in to bed with her and still get up at 6am when she does (and forget about even thinking of going to gym now!) then still go to work that day!

Being a parent is exhausting. You lack motivation for self care and do everything else for everyone else. 

I would say parents need to find time for themselves and commit to “self care” but that gets thrown out the window because any time you even plan something your kids have other ideas.. that’s 100% the time they’re going to get sick or require your attention. It’s Murphy’s law.

So what I will say is just hang in there. I’m hoping when she turns 18 and leaves home I won’t be so exhausted.

Today I’m going to cancel my gym membership.  I’ll get back to them about a new membership when I’m 50. 😩

Zoe is a 33 year old first time mother, with a Bachelor in Social work, who in her pre-baby life baked nearly every day, kept up a facebook food blog, worked full time and lived in a clean house. She has spent the last several years happily settled in a small town in rural Australia (moving from city of Melbourne) where she met her husband Ben and works as a drug and alcohol clinician. She always wanted to be a mum and adores it, but in the midst of that mothering bliss, being a mum has unearthed a range of emotions including guilt and self-doubt. Being a working mum, her current and future goals include getting a leg wax (way overdue), making sure Lily’s daycare Christmas outfit fits, and bringing Lily up not to become a stripper, a drug dealer or both.

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